I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
