with your own penis?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
