Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
