Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
