the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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