And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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