How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
