He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
