If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
