I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
