Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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