So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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