I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have fence marks all over my body
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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