were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
