They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
