i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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