I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she peed on how many people?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize