The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
