On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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