just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
