I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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