farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
