Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
