the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
