In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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