She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
