i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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