He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
