If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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