At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize