You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
