So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
