You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
