watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What a dumb baby whore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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