I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
