i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
