the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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