Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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