Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
