apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
