I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
