Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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