U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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