Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
