So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
