dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
