I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
