The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
whose parrot is this?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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