id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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