there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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