is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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