even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just high enough for therapy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
