I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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