he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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