she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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