I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
