Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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