the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
