just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
