I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
