i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
