i think my mom watched the whole time
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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