I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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