Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
