she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
