this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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