But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
