Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
