There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize