i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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