his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
