..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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