ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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