My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
