I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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