Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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