I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
