if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
