what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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