Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
