Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
