I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
