drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
