...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
