meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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