All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All the doctor said was why
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
