Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
