Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
