Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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