Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize