When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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