Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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