They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize