Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
