If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
