All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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