1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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