Your mouth is God's brothel.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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