sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
