She is in my trunk
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
