farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
