btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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