look no pants
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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