Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
