if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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