I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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